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AEROSMITH PARODIES

Velveeta

A Parody of Chiquita.
Ooooh - ya want da macaroni chee-sy?
Ooooh - the simple choice to make, it ea-sy!

Oh, Velveeta!!
So good! Velveetaaaaah!!

Theeee - the other ones they got-a pow-der.
Weeee - we got da sauce, thick like a chow-der!

Oh, Velveeta!!
So good! Velveetaaaaah!!

Iiiiiiit - got-a smooth, rich, creamy fla-vor!
Eeeea - siest to make, don't take no la-bor!

Oh, Velveeta!!
Ah, Lord! Velveetaaaaah!!

Go! Go! Go - and get some for this evening's din-ner!!
Oh! Oh! Oh - it taste so good, feel like a sin-neeeeer!!!

Oh, Velveeta!!
Ah, Lord! Velveetaaaaaah!!



Turnin' To A Witch

A Parody of Livin' On The Edge. By Mike Taylor, CAF)
There's something wrong with the teach today,
I don't know what it is;
It could be in her eyes;
She's got a very vacant look,
She seems preoccupied,
And I sure ain't surprised.

(chorus)

She's turnin' to a witch
The wart on her nose keeps a growin',
She's turnin' to a witch!
She's cookin up some broth;
She's turnin' to a witch!
Her long, black hair is showin'
She's turnin' to a witch!

There's somethin' weird with the teach today,
She's definitely lookin' strange;
She's wearin' her black suit;
She's eyein' the fat kid hungrily,
And I think she's growin' mange;
Too bad she ain't a substitute

(chorus)

So, whad'ya think about this situation,
Her destination is to eat us all up;
If someone tells ya that she's kickin' and clawin'
I betcha that you would keep on crawlin'
Away from her!
So you won't be dinner!
Away, far away, far away, far away!

There's somethin' wrong with the teach today;
I think I kinda' got a hunch!
I finally got my clue
When she ate Mary Sue
But I would rather not be her lunch!!

(chorus)



Taste of . . . Joe Perry

A Parody of "Taste of India." By Vicki, MNoe1@aol.com
(chorus)

God I want just one shot at Joe Perry
Eyes like that can strike a girl dumb
Let him do whatever he wants to me
Make him mine with a flick of my tongue
Let me have just one taste of Joe Perry
Hint of salt and a whole lot of yum
Whats it take to get him alone with me
Pluck his strings and watch as he . . . hums!

Oh yeah he's got that animal appeal that
fills your veins with fire
And if you let him once get into you
there will be MORE that you desire

When he's onstage you're intrigued by the coolness
Then you're enticed by the heat
But I lose my cool when I see all those muscles
He's more than just a hunk of meat
I get turned on by his bare feet
All I ask is just one shot
one shot at Joe Perry
I'll wipe the sneer right off his face

His hands - his chest
His hair - the rest
He's unbelievable my friend

(chorus)

I want to rip the silk shirt off his chest
Peel the leather from his legs
And when I'm faced with all that nastiness
I hope he don't mind when I begs

When you make love to a rock'n'roll warrior
Make him the Lord of your Thighs
You're gonna want more than just a one-night-stand
You're gonna wish you were his wife
Who gets some of that every night
But all I ask is just one shot
one shot at Joe Perry
The mem'ries will last all my life

My Yin - his Yang
Do it again
Again . . . again
Gotta make him mine

(chorus)



Tailgate

A Parody of Jailbait.
Lady?
Lady?
Why ya drivin' so parade-y?
Lady?
Lady?1
Lady, lady, lady, get it outta minus eighty! Let's GOOOOOOOOOOO!!

(insert racing engines and beeping horns)

Started movin' out and I was makin' good time
Now I'm barely creepin'. Had to stop on a dime
Big old rag-top Chevy or a dumb little Saab
Makes me get to thinkin' - do ya sleep on the job?!?!?
GYAAAAAAAH!!!

Where did you learn
How to drive
The limit's over 35! Oh, taaaaail-gate!

If you're not sure
Where you're goin'
Move yer ass! Keep traffic flowin'. Taaaail-gate!

Don'tcha know
You hold me back
Don't root in your bag for a snack. Oh, taaaail-gate!

Put your makeup
On at home!
Forget your hair - GET OFF THE PHONE! Oh, taaaail-gate!!!

(Move it out!!)
Ooooh...T-T-T-Tailgate! (3x)

Why should we be
In this mess
Cause you forgot the right address? Oh, taaaail-gate!!

Don'tcha hear these horns a-blarin'?
Engines racin'?
People swearin'? Taaaail-gate!!

Don't get mad about my lights...
Cause in your car
They're all that's bright! Oh, taaaail-gate!!

(Mooove!!)
Ooooh...T-T-T-Tailgate! (5x)

Lemme - get through!
Don't have - time to
Wait un - til you
Fix your - rear-view!!

Wanna plow right into you
What now?
Ya tryin' to tie your shoe? Oh, taaaail-gate!!

We could be here
Half the night.
Not a passing zone in sight. Oh, taaaail-gate!!

(Look out! GYAAAH!!)

T-T-T-Tailgate (repeat out)



I Missed Her Space

A Parody of My fist your face.
Mall is crazy. What we here for?
We could have watched the HSN.
Christmas shopping sure would yield more,
If we weren't stuck out here again.

One more time around, now...
Keep them eyes alert
Second time checkin' for some lights, or fumes to blast
Holy shit - there was a lady
Taking keys out of her purse
She's pulling out, but we're long past...

I missed her space...I'm losin' gas!

Well, here we go, another go-round!
Maybe we'll see a moving box...
Be quiet, honey...don't make no sound.
I wanna hear the keys in the locks!

What's that lady doin'?
Packin' stuff into her car!
It's seven rows ahead, could be too far.
Who's that camaro?!
Where the hell did he come from?!
Cuts me and floors it...that fuckin' scum!

I missed her space...It's lookin' glum! (Damn!)

(solo)

Babe, I'm gettin' tired
Really got to pee
Wonderin' if you're gonna get a gift from me!
Let's just get outta this madness - I'll make it up on New Year's Eve
Another just pulled out...we're on the leave!!



Back in Seattle

A Parody of Back in the Saddle.
I'm baaaaaaaaack!
I'm back in Seattle again!
I'm baaaaaaaaack!
I'm back in Seattle again!

LA scene has broken down, Greenwich Village's a shame
Boston used to be so cool, but now it's all the same
Culture's taken a swing, it's all Nirvana's fault
When MTV buzzes things, the trendys somersault

I'm back in Seattle again!
I'm baaaaaaaaack!
I'm back in Seattle again!
I'm baaaaaaaaack!

Flannels, grimy hair, goateees - the holy sacraments
Disgruntled poet wannabes considered heaven-sent

Buying cheap guitars and amps, play any chords...
Soon they're Loder's buzz-clip champs, where's the awards?
Angst and raging are cool???? Why emulate this grime?
Enter any high school, and suddenly...

I'm baaaaaaaaack!
I'm back in Seattle again!
I'm baaaaaaaaack!
I'm back in Seattle again!

They're slamming - think they're being tough guys
They're jamming - bitch and moan with squint-eyes
They're dancing - bouncin' 'round like morons
I'm laughin'! This stupid trend it roars on!

I'm back in Seattle again!
I'm baaaaaaaaack!
I'm back in Seattle again!
I'm baaaaaaaaack!

It's alive!
Can't survive!
What is this?!
Sure ain't KISS!!



Santa's Got A Gun

A Parody of Janie's got a gun.
Co-written By: Eric Lee Cline and Jason Carl Wheeler

(sleigh bells ringing)
Dum, dum, dum, Santa, what have you done?
Dum, dum, dum, it's the sound of his gun.
Dum, dum, dum, Santa, what have you done?
Dum, dum, dum, it's the sound...

Hoooo, hooooo, hoooooo...
Hoooo, hooooo, hoooooo...
Hoooo, hooooo, hoooooo...
Hoooo, hooooo, hoooooooooo...

Santa's got a gun,
Santa's got a gun.
Christmas's come undone,
Cause Santa is on the run.
What did that fat man do?
What did he put you through?

They said when Santa was arrested,
They found him flying in his sleigh.
That obese guy was out there,
Now that Santa's got a gun,
He ain't never gonna be the same.

Santa's got a gun,
Santa's got a gun.
The season has just begun,
Now Santa's helpers are on the run.
What did that old elf do?
What did he put them through?

He jacked his little flying reindeer,
The man has got to be insane.
They say the spell that he was under,
The glaciers and the tundra,
Knew someone had to stop his sleigh...

Fly away, fly away in your sleigh.
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
Fly away, fly away in your sleigh.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah.
Fly away, fly away, fly, fly awaaay in your sleigh.

(guitar)

Santa's got a gun,
Santa's got a gun.
The season has just begun,
Now Santa's helpers are on the run.
What did that fat man do?
It's Santa's last IOU.

He's gonna take 'em down easy,
And put an antler through their brains.
He said don't nobody believe me,
Rudolph was such a sleaze,
He ain't never gonna be the same...

Fly away, fly away in your sleigh.

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
Fly away, fly away in your sleigh.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah.
Fly away, fly away, fly, fly awaaay in your sleigh.

Santa's got a gun.

Santa's got a gun, (Ho, ho, honey,)
The season has just begun. (Will you be all right?)
Now Santa's helpers are on the run, (Did Santa's Christmas giving)
Cause Santa's got a gun. (Make you scream at night?)
(repeat and fade)



Sings and Preens

A Parody of Kings and Queens.
Up on stage, he's all the rage
The Tyler dynamo
Rubber lips and liquid hips
And stylin' suits that flow
Sings and preens and makes the teens
Lose their minds and swoon
Catch your girls when Steven twirls
That mic stand scarf-festooned

Listen to 'em scream!

Shreikin' deacon - to the church of rock
Yowlin'. Growlin'. Talkin' groovy schlock
He keeps goin' - noone knowin'
How he keeps it up
Got a grip, and got a sip
Of wine from Jesus' cup

Listen to 'em scream!

(break)

Steve outshines 'em, all the trends
To each fan, a caring friend
Always true, he'll squeeze the juice from life!
Lovin' livin' constantly.
What a man you have to be...
To crash and burn...the turn around and climb!

Get it right this time...
And climb!!!
Get it right this time...
And climb...
Get yo' foothold and climb!!!

(break and sweet solo)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
Get it right this time!!!

(1st verse round - out)



Preakness

A Parody of Darkness. By Mike Taylor, CAF
Preakness, Preakness,
Smell that cigar smoke.
Preakness, Preakness,
Now you're goin' broke.

Gotta watch 'em run, watch 'em run, watch 'em run, watch 'em run

Go to the races,
Go to the window,
Got to place your bet

Go to the racetrack,
Go to the grandstand,
Win cash to pay the rent

The horses take off,
They're hot to trot,
Comin' round the bend

Your horse is in first
But now he's second -
Finishes at the end

Gotta watch 'em run, watch 'em run, watch 'em run, watch 'em run,
watch 'em run, watch 'em run

Now you go back to your house, goodbye
Your wife makes you feel big as a mouse, you tried
If you make it back next year,
You'll be in debt up to your ears, oh, no!

Preakness (Go to the races)
Preakness (Go to the window)
Smell that cigar smoke

Preakness (Go to the racetrack)
Preakness (Go to the grandstand)
Now you're goin' broke

Gotta watch 'em run, watch 'em run, watch 'em run, watch 'em run,
watch 'em run, watch 'em run



Line Drives

A Parody of Nine Lives. By: Cheshire Cat
(A tribute to the 1998 New York Yankees!!)
(guitar note - feedback begins and volume gradually increases from another sound in the distance - a cheering stadium crowd - where the cat yowls would be, we hear the repeated sound of the crack of a bat as the cheers continue behind the opening bars)
All done now...
97's gone in the books!
It was a heartbreak, shot down by Cleveland...
But now we've got a brand new look! Well...!

So long, Boggs...
Thanks for the memories.
We'll see you in the Hall of Fame! Yeah!
And to Charlie Hayes, who needs your boners...
When Brosius he got back his game!?

And well, of course, we shit-canned Cecil Fielder!
Still got Straw...plus Chili to D.H.!!!

(cheer & bat crack on each name below)

Line drives - Derek Jeter!
Line drives - Paul O'Neill!
Line drives - Tino! Bernie!
Line drives - hit-run, steal! Hah!!!

(solo 1)

As for pitching - just check out this rotation...
Irabu's wiped the slate real clean!
And David Wells - go ask Minnesota...
He went perfecto May 17!! -----> (side note: I was there!)

Well, Coney's back! Goin' the distance...
And keepin' batters wobbly-kneed!
And Andy Pettitte...? A double-play producer!
A pick-off move you can't even read!

And in the wings, let's not forget about Mendoza!
Boy can start - and eat up innings in relief!!

Line drives - Let's go, Yankees!
Line drives - Torch the 'Pen!
Line drives - Keep 'em scoring!
Line drives - Won again...YEAH!!!

(solo 2)

Wait, there's more!
Have a look behind the plate...
You'll see a guy, that Joe Girardi's training,
Named Posada, and he's turning out great!!

Then check out second...
Duncan and Pat Kelly
and Sanchez couldn't seem to fit...
Then enter Knoblauch!
Gold Glove defenseman...
and only just now starting to hit!!!

And on the bench...
Waits solid sub-man Luis Sojo!
And out in left...
Chad Curtis and "Rock" Raines!!!

Line drives - Work 'em over!
Line drives - Spray them balls!
Line drives - Score those runners!
Line drives - Off the walls!

Line drives - Blue October!
Line drives - Pinstriped knaves!
Line drives - Go home, Injuns!
Line drives - Bring the Braves!

(over cheers) Yeaheeeeyeaheeeeyeaheeeeyeaheeeeyeaheeeeyeah...!!!!!

(bat cracks on these) YOW!YOW!YOW!YOW! YOW! YOW! YOW! YOW!...etc

Line drives - Blue October!
Line drives - Pinstriped knaves!
Line drives - Go home, Injuns!
Line drives!! Bring the Braves!!

(guitar fades out with cheers and bat cracks

*** Cheshire Cat ***
5/6/98


Know Her Size

A Parody of No Surprize. By: Cheshire Cat
Buyin' gifts is a pain!
Just can't get it through my brain...
Forgot to ask the question, now I gotta take to guessin' again!

The ladies all know what to do
While men, it seems, don't have a clue!
So, babe, I'm stuck to buyin' candies
'stead of sexy bras and panties for you!

Maybe her waistline grew...
Is it thirty-two??

Got such untrained eyes
Really limits my buys
I'll have to compromise...
'Cause I don't know her si - iiiiii - iiize!

Even if the system is clear....
Don't think that you're free from fear!
'Cause what one tag in Macy's says,
The same size at the Gap's nowhere near!

Why's it different here?
Man, I need a beer!

Gotta watch those fries...
Every slice of pie!
Weight was on the rise...
Now I don't know her size!

Know her size (3x)

Hey, Saleslady!
Can'tcha see I'm hurtin'?
Think this sweater'd fit her, but I gotta be certain!

Tunic length? Bustline? Wanna murder calvin Klein!
The metric scale? European?
My mind is spent, I'm close to fleein' - ZOOM!

Heights, proportions - dated 'em all.
High school girl was sure a doll!
She was a four-ten sweetie, five-foot-one in heels -
Petit size seemed all.

But had to scour the mall...
Breasts were big as softballs!

So listen up you guys...
Be the Lord Of Her Thighs!
Ya can't just visualize...
You've gotta know her size!

Know her size (3x)

Current girl's overweight...
Range of choices ain't as great - but
*you* fit
short legs
tum
and DD thirty-eight!

Then when
It don't fit
Even by a little bit...
For shame!
You're lame!
I'll stay at home and watch the game - I quit!

Clearance sales...Bloomingdale's...
Dammit! Shoulda shopped by mail!
The catalogues, they have a key
- keep me from a killing spree!
I can't take the wear and stress...
I thought I picked the perfect dress!
If you say shopping's not so hard...
Then you pay off my credit card!

HA!!

*** Cheshire Cat ***
8/5/98


Big Ten Inch

A Parody of Big ten Inch Record. By: Stiefenzuckel
Got me the greatest, Steven
Believe it, this guy's a sinch
When he wants to get me goin
He'll get out his big ten inch

Yeah and I love to play the fool
Well I love to play the fool
I just love his big ten inch
Babe, I love to play with the fool

Last night he tried to tease me
He gave me just a little pinch
I told him "now stop that playin
And take out your big ten inch"

Yeah and I love to play the fool
Well I love to play the fool
I just love his big ten inch
Babe, I love to play with the fool

He'll cover me with kisses
And when we're in a lovers' clinch
He get all excited
When I grab on his big ten inch

Yeah and I love to play the fool
Well I love to play the fool
I just love his big ten inch
Babe, I love to play with the fool

I don't go out smokin
And liquor just make me flinch
Seems I don't go for nothin
'Cept for his big ten inch

Yeah and I love to play the fool
Well I love to play the fool
I just love his big ten inch
Babe, I love to play with the fool



Sweet Steven

A Parody of Sweet Emotion.
By Monica - (simoriah_st@hotmail.com)

Sweet Steven x2

You sing about things that touch my soul,
Makes me wish I could help when you were out in the cold
I'm callin' your name but you just can't hear,
Holdin' you baby is where I'll be in a year

Some sweat hog mama that fills me with rage,
Said all your shine is gonna fade with age
Well, I got good she's a real good liar
Cause your on stage moves always set me on fire

Sweet Steven x2

You came into town on the Nine Lives Tour
Your lady tellin you that I act like a whore
Tellin' you these things but you know she lied
When you leave her for me I'll know how she cried
-cause now you're mine

You stand on the stage just a-shakin yo' ass
Take me backstage and I'll drink from your glass
Now here's somethin' that you can tell the whole band
One night with me and you'll be eatin' from my hand



Livin in the Borg

A parody of Livin on the Edge
(You should know Star Trek to "get" this parody!)
There's something wrong in the universe today.
We know what it is.
That human ship Enterprise
We have seen them once or twice,
We know they're not yet ours.
We're what they would call "surprised"

Living in the Borg.
Living in the Borg.
Living in the Borg.
Living in the Borg.

There's something wrong in the universe today.
It's ugly, and has too much hair.
and it calls itself "Me"
If you can name the species,
by the colors of their skin,
then 2 of 6, you're a better Borg than We

Living in the Borg.
We will stop their futile stalling.
Living in the Borg.
We will stop them real soon.
Living in the Borg.
We will stop their futile stalling.
Living in the Borg.

Tell us, do you think they should be assimilated,
aggrivated then frustrated
They're getting to us.
If the Federation says the Borg are coming,
Even if they weren't, wouldn't they come crawlin'
back again?
I bet they would
("our friends")
again and again and again and again.

There's something wrong in the universe today.
And the Borg knows it's wrong.
But we can't do anything about it.
But we know they're just hanging on.

(clock ticks)
(Phaser fire)
(explosion)

Living in the Borg.
Living in the Borg.
Living in the Borg.
Living in the Borg.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Living in the Borg.
We will stop their futile stalling.
We will stop them real soon.
Living in the Borg.
We will stop their futile stalling.
Living in the Borg.
They will be one of us.
They will be one of us.
Living with the Borg.
We will stop their futile stalling.
We will stop them real soon.
Living in the Borg.
We will stop their futile stalling.
Living in the Borg.


This parodie was found at: http://www.dcs.napier.ac.uk


Online

A Parody of Young Lust.
By: Prozac, Crackhead, Herion, Acid

Online
happy just to be online
never have to go outside
everybody talks to me

online
you're typing and a screamin' in caps
oh your mad before your even knocked off
it's crazy but you're diggin' it

online
your on even on the weekends
oh easy when theirs nothing to do
and baby you'll be missin' netscape

online
sometimes you need it so bad
it's enough to crash your hard drive
so what, you better get on

never signin' off
you type a little slower
but blame it on the IM's

online
you better keep your modem turned on
or else you'll be callin' tech service
yeah, everybody's callin' them

online
once you get on you can never get off
don't you ever turn those IM's off

when your surfin' through the web
checkin' out the pages
who don't dis Offspring
but you love listening to Aero

I got to say I love these people, meet me in a chat room

always typin' faster
never signing off
my bill is gettin' higher
I'll pay it later

never change a screen name
gotta love chat rooms

never gettin' tired
never gettin' punted, hidin' from the hackers

sneakin' in the private rooms
sneakin' into convo's

gotta do it quickly
goin' through hyperlinks
hangin' in cyber space
find another place to go

online
there's no time for sleepin'

online
no, don't need to sign off

online
I'm scanin' and a-viewin' it

online
come on now I just can't quit
are you searchin' or you gonna sign off
everybody stayin' on

online
honey now don't sign off
sometimes you gotta scan that disk
so what you gonna do about it?



Faded

A parody of Jaded
By Ragdoll (BrittAngel@msn.com)

Hey, fa-fa-faded. You try to keep your style
But you're all way too wild for me.
So faded. You think if you wear a hat then you
Won't be the same as them.
Just face it, you're a dancing blonde
On MTV.

You've got that something (yeah, I think you know it)
You strip while you sing
Yeah, you're so faded.
You don't get why Playboy asked you.

Hey, fa-fa-faded. Like good ole Debbie,
You will be looked at in the same light.
With Mandy, not Tiffany you'll
Compete to see who has the better website.
But find out that you're just all the same.
And be hated.

You've got that something (yeah I think you know it)
You strip while you sing.
Yeah, you're so faded.
You don't know why the girls hate you.

Your ways are so complicated.
Half naked, morally ground.
That squeaky sound actually made it
On a record, can't believe it.
Who'd you sleep with?

Hey, fa-fa-faded. There ain't no more
Like you except for everyone else out there.
The hip-hop songs and breathy ballads.
And interviews with Carson Daly.

You've got that something (yeah, I think you know it)
                        (some, some, some thing)
You strip while you sing (yeah, you know what I mean)
                     (sing, sing, sing, sing, sing)
You sound like an emu in heat
                         (emu in heat)
Yeah, you're so faded. Faded. You're so faded.
                       (Baby)      (Baby)
You don't get why Playboy asked you.


~By Ragdoll (BrittAngel@msn.com)


Joe's Got Some Gum

A parody of Janie's Got A Gun
By AeroAsh

Just like Janie's Got A Gun-With A Lil Twist!!!!!! I call it....."Joe's Got Some Gum"....
Gum, gum, gum, honey do you have some?
Gum, gum, gum, it's the sound of my gum.
Gum, gum, gum, honey do you have some?
Gum, gum, gum it's the sound, it's the sound....
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.....

Joe got some gum
Joe got some gum
The whole world wants his gum
Lookin straight at his tongue...
What can I do to you?
What kind of gum do you chew??

They say what brand the best is
But they just aren't the same
But man, we had it comin'
Now that Joe got his gum
He ain't never gonna be the same

Joe got some gum
Joe got some gum
His dog day's just begun
Now everybody wants his gum
Tell me now it's untrue...
What kind of gum did he chew??

I am his little bitty baby
The man is not insane...yeah
They say the spell that I was under
The lightning and the thunder
Knew that only he could stop my pain...

Come this way, Come this way, take my pain
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Come this way, come this way, take my pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away...wooh

Joe got some gum
Joe got some gum
His dog day's just begun
Now everybody wants his gum
What did my baby do??
What kind of gum did he chew??

I had to take him down ea
And put away all his pain
I said cause nobody believes me
His hair blows in the breeze
I just love that silky mane...

Come this way, Come this way, take my pain
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Come this way, come this way, take my pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away...wooh

Joe's got some gum
Joe got some gum
Joe's got some gum
Now everybody wants some

Joe's got some gum
His dog day's just begun
Now everybody wants some (Honey, Honey what is your problem?)
Cause Joe got his gum (Tell me it ain't right)
Joe got his gum (What is daddy chompin' now?)
Her dog days just begun (That made you scream at night)
Everybody wants his gum
Joe got some gum Joe got some gum
His dog day's just begun
Everbody wants his gum



Going to School (Is Hard On The Brain)

A parody of Falling in love
By Prozac, Acid, Crackhead and Heroin

You're so dumb you're so dumb you're so
You're so dumb you're so dumb

You think you're so smart
Like it's a real sure thing
But every time you flunk
You get your ass afterschool
You used to be smart
But now it's ooh help me cheat
'Cause going to school is so hard on the brain

You're so dumb you're so dumb you're so
You're so dumb you're so dumb

We was improvin' when you told me that you passed me
but ol' teacher he was taking aim
I was believer when you told me that you passed me
And then you gave me someone else's grade

There ain't gonna be no more studying now
You know what I want
And it ain't one of these
You're dumb to the bone
And your tutor agrees
That going to school is so hard on the brain

You're so dumb you're so dumb you're so
You're so dumb you're so dumb

Chip off the old block
Man you're so much like your sister
My I.Q. must be out of luck
My old cerebrum has been blowing a transistor
I feel like I have been hit by a flunk

Yeah

I'm Jones in on school
Yeah I got the DT's
You say that I'll pass
But there ain't no guarantees

I major in cheating
But in all minor keys
Cause going to school is so hard on the brain

What are you looking for
It's got to be test scores
Must be some kind of nouveau riche

Is this your only chance
Or another flunking chance
Let's get you on the honor roll
Pass it pass it pass it

You're so dumb you're so dumb you're so
You're so dumb you're so dumb

You ain't that clever
Is what you said down to the letter
But you like the way I copy test scores
Sometimes I'm smart but when I'm dumb
I'm even better
Don't give me no lip
I've got enough of my own

There ain't gonna be no more studying now
You know what I want
And it ain't one of these
You're dumb to the bone
And your tutor agrees
That going to school is so hard on the brain

I'm Jones in on school
Yeah I got the DT's
You say that we'll pass
But there ain't no guarantees

I major in cheating
But in all minor keys
Cause going to school is so hard on the brain
This parody was written by:
Prozac (Kendra) Prozac22@hotmail.com
Crackhead (Kelly) WatchMe33@aol.com
Herion (Jon) JonV94501@aol.com
Acid (Jess) MotaGirl43@aol.com


Beaver

A Parody of Fever.
He had a hit TV-show...old-a style in-a black & white!
Now ya see it in-a Spanish if you turn the tube on late at night!

Ya see the Bea-ver! Bea-ver! Beav-er! The Bea-veeeeer!
The Beaver and his fam'ly - know 'em all too well!
The names of all the actors to you I can tell!
It's comin' on....hey, gee that's swell!
All right!!

Now Wally's home, but I wonder where's the Beav??
Well, gee - I don't know, Mom, but then it's not hard to conceive....

That the Bea-ver! Bea-ver! Bea-ver! Bea-veeeeer!
The Beaver is in dutch yet again to-day...
He never thinks the consequence will come-a his way!
Just talk to him - it'll be okay.
All riiiiiight!!

He can't run away from trouble...
How-ever hard he try!
He prob'ly had a test, couldn't do his best, and a-used a cheatin' eye.
Golly myyyyyy!!!

(interlude 1)

By now ya'd think he'd have learned
That to tell the truth
Is much smarter than to
Always sit in the dunking booth. Oh, yes!!
Because it never works, and he's always in a mess!!

Oh where's the Bea-ver? Bea-ver! Bea-ver! Bea-veeeer!
I'll bet he's hiding from us in some real close place.
He thinks he has to lie to us and cover his face
When all he needs - is June's and Ward's embrace tonight!

And then there's Eddie Haskell!
Him we just can't for-get about!
Prob'ly started this - stuck some dumb idea
In his mind that won't come out.
Well, why don't we just go see him.
I betcha he knows - where he's gooooone!!

(interlude 2)

We want the Bea-ver! (You get him right a-way!)
Bea-ver! (Please, he's been gone all day!)
Bea-ver! (It's almost suppertime!)
Bea-ver! (Don't you give us your lines!)

Beaver, whyn't he just come tell 'em what he done?
He'll know that they still love 'im, and he's still their son!
He has to learn what he did was wrong.
Hey, after all, the show's just half an hour long!
Well, I can't watch no more TV Lite...
Jesus, why ya think they started col'rin' black & white?!?
I'm outta here, Leavin' Beaver there...
Thas' right!!!



I Don't Want To Miss The Ring

A Parody of I Don't Want To Miss A Thing
By: William H. Hsu
(Sunday, April 9, 2000)
Time to dive off the deep end yet again with another foray into the JRRT song parody:

(As sung by Saruman, singing to Gandalf)

(I say, scoff if you will, but Liv Tyler's role as Arwen paves the way for the casting coup of the century --- Stephen Tyler as Saruman! Think of it! Orthanc-geddon!
"Wormtongue... he's doing it for Sharkey!")


I could lock you up just to stop your prying
Let you go and you'd keep trying
To keep mortal chaff from dying
We could seize the prize if we work together
We could rule all of Middle-earth forever
Every moment that we waste is folly beyond measure

FIRST CHORUS:
Don't want to close my eyes
Don't want to fall asleep
'Cause then you'd get It first
And I don't wanna miss the Ring
Perhaps in time you may see fit
To tell me you've discovered It
I don't trust you Gandalf
And I'm not gonna miss the Ring

Got you trapped up here
In my mighty tower
Know you're wondering on the hour
But you'll come to rue my power
When I find the Ring
And remember how you snubbed me
You'll just have to stay right here in Orthanc eternally
I won't let you go free

SECOND CHORUS:
Can't seem to close my eyes
Can't seem to fall asleep
'Cause then He'll get It first
And I don't wanna miss the Ring
'Cause even in my dreams each night
The Lidless Eye casts forth its sight
I've got to get It first
So I can't afford to miss the Ring

I don't wanna miss one glint
I don't wanna miss one spark
I've just got to find It soon
'Cause my world is turning dark
I just wanna get It first
Up in Bree my lads are workin'
And from Fangorn down to Rohan my Uruks are searchin'
Yeah, Mithrandir

(REPEAT SECOND CHORUS)



-Bill

=======================================================
William H. Hsu                          ICQ: 28651394
bhsu@cis.uiuc.edu
The Red Songbook of Westmarch: Tolkien Song Parodies
http://ringil.cis.ksu.edu/Tolkien/Humor/RedSOW
=======================================================



I Don't Wanna Ditch A Thing

A Parody of I Don't Want To Miss A Thing
By: Cheshire Cat

OK. Here's my latest concoction. Been a while since I got a good idea and was able to finish it. Feels good! =D Anyways...based on what Tom wrote in that thingy, at least *he'll* be able to relate to this one. I'm sure others will too, though.

So...as springtime looms, take heed!


Winter's come and gone
Land is warm and greening
Gonna organize, I'm screaming
Can't accept that I'm just dreaming

As I'm taking stock
Every thing has meaning
And with childlike fond emotion, I'm weaning

Thought I'd clutter-free my world...
Irony of spring cleaning!!!

I won't throw those papers out!
I can't give these toys away!
They're no use to me...
But I don't wanna ditch a thing!

Well all they do is take up space
But in my heart they hold a place
Sentimental fool...
Yeah, I don't wanna ditch a thing!

Oh, the closet's stuffed
Clothes are out of style
Patterns far far worse than vile
But I'm living in denial!

And that pile of junk
Collecting in the cor-ner
How our heart-strings get that tug...
As the season grows warmer...

Oh, warmer...
So warmer...

I won't throw those papers out!
I won't give these toys away!
They're no use to me...
But I don't wanna ditch a thing!

Well all they do is take up space
But in my heart they hold a place
Sentimental fool...
Yeah, I don't wanna ditch a thing!

I don't wanna ditch one film!
I don't wanna ditch one book!
Just might wanna pull one down, some lonely day
For one more look

Half of my CDs and tapes
I haven't even touched in years
But I know one day some goner
Might be music to my ears....

Yeah! (Yeah!)
Yeah! (Yeah!)
YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAOOWW!

I won't throw those papers out!
I can't give these toys away!
They're no use to me...
But I don't wanna ditch a thing!

Well all they do is take up space
But in my heart they hold a place
Sentimental fool...
Yeah, I don't wanna ditch a thing!

I won't throw those pa-pers oooooout
I can't give these toooooys a-way
They're no use to me...
But I don't wanna ditch a thing!

Well all they do is TAAAKE UP SPAAAACE
But in my heart they hold a place...
Sentimental fool...
Yeah, I don't wanna ditch a thing, oh!!

I won't throw those papers out!
I can't give those toys away!

Yeah...

I don't wanna ditch a thing!


So? I still gots it?

Maybe my next idea will work out well too. It's a goodie.


Chesh



One Good Band

A Parody of Magic Touch
By Ellen

Somebody better call the jeejay, deejay
or kick the radio in
I'm gonna scream if I hear Britney, Britney
'cause I think her songs suck
I want to get a message to them
to put on "Walk This Way"
I need the one good band, I know you know
they're my obsession and I won't let go
hear the talent rockin' hard
you better play the band that's hot not babe
'cause I won't let go
don't got no time to hear no Korn play, no way
so don't you play it 'round me
don't try to take me for a pop fan, no man
do you think that i'm dumb?
you really got to play some aero
I just want to hear "No Suprize"
I need the one good band, I know you know
I'm after aero and I won't let go
you'll never know the good band
if they won't let them play
I'm gonna play aero now
gonna let 'em hear some rock
I need the one good band I know you know
I'm after aero and I won't let go
hear the talent rockin' hard
they're my obsession and i'm back for more
the one good band, I know you know
I'm after aero and I won't let go
hear the talent rockin' hard
you better play the band that's hot now babe
'cause I can't, can't, can't let Aero go!


I Gotta Go Potty

A Parody of What Kind of Love Are You On.
By Robyn Johnson

Yeah, I run one way
Then I run another
I gotta wear Pampers
and I blame it on my mother
I'm kickin' the door
but there's somebody in there
My bladder's so full
you know it really ain't fair.
Everybody's talkin' bout
when I go
When I don't
I'm hurtin' like the devil
But that release is justa Saint
I know I won't get better
if I don't go soon
you say I should do something
But the Doctor's done it all

Oh, and I want you to know...
I gotta go potty

jumpin' over Jane,
Steppin' on a bug
trying to get there
without leaking on the rug
Run the same way
Every minute, everyday
run the same way
run the same way
It seems like I don't go enough!

Oh, I want you to know...
I gotta go potty.
Oh, I gotta go...
I gotta go potty!

AHH! Holding it takes so much skill,
I feel like I'm a water mill.
I think I'll explode just like a mortar,
Uh, cause I gotta go now
Damn, please don't charge that quarter!
{laugh}

Rockin' in the cradle
with my pampers on
Screamin' and a peein'
like there ain't no dawn
Left, Right, turn again
running into all those walls, Hurry now, I just saw why,
the line's so long, it makes me cry!

Oh, and I want you to know...
I gotta go potty.
Yeah, I want you to know...
I gotta go potty.
I-I-I-I-I've gotta go!
I gotta go Potty!



Aerosmith

A Parody of No Surprize.
By Lara

Nineteen ninty-nine
Britney sung "Give me a sign"
Her songs are really shitty
But Aerosmith are still rockin' on

Whenever life gets really bizarre
Another string breaks on my guitar
And then my math teacher said
She's givin' nobody a stupid A star
It's just the way that we are
Just the way that we are

But with all that shit
I could hear in my head
That all my troubles were dead

It was Aerosmith

The boys keep kickin' ass
As usual it's their songs that I play
But some bitch in English said
"Steven in totally gay"
She loves to spread rumors
Lord she loves to lie

But with all that shit
I could hear in my head
That all my troubles are dead

And it was Aerosmith
Aerosmith
Aerosmith
Aerosmith

Steven Tyler
Joseph Perry
Thomas Hamilton
Joey Kramer, Brad Whitford

I say
Listen here
Friend of mine
Listen to the way he rhyme
Bumblebee suits
Voice a- screamin'
Songs I love- spend all day dreamin' too

Without Aerosmith life is hell
It would all be so uncool
Oh the guys are really rockin'
And I'm high without a can of red bull
That's right no red bull
Or sugar and caffiene

But with all their songs
I can see when they play
They just can't do no wrongs

Baby it's Aerosmith
Aerosmith
Aerosmith
Aerosmith

Rock' n' roll
Look at Joe
Got technique that I adore
Pluck pluck pluck pluck pluck
Nobody cares no more

Bad times
Gone away
When I've got Aerosmith to play
Tyler and Hamilton
Sweet Emotion all day

Music Store
Tons to choose
Guess I'll buy "Night In The Ruts"
Play the singles, it ain't "Mia"
It's gotta be "No Surprize"

You talk shit
Steven Tyler
Could set anyone's pants on fire
If the other 4 can rock so good
The how'd you get off bein' so rude?


Comments? RagDollSM@aol.com


Sing On The Stage

A Parody of Walk On Water.
By Lara

(This is a lame reflection and tribute to my favorite performer: Mr Steven Tyler! This parody highlights new AND old aspects of his lifestyle, image and persona. I hope this offends nobody!!)
Flare pants
Earrings
Tattoo
Fast car
Blonde chicks
Big Pout
Sing lead
Jock strap
Sucked off
Kissed On

Because of Mr. Tyler I'm so glad
Cause he makes me start to smile when I feel so sad

Chorus:
Hey Steven Tyler
Your voice is legendary
Crap's four letters
Ain't in my dictionary
'Scuse my obsession
But I ain't possessionary
Yeah but I want to sing on the stage with you

Lip gloss
Stick legs
Hair dye
Sweetheart
Crazy
Cocaine
Ma Kin
Drag Queen
Top Hat
Rock crown

When it comes to singin' live there's such a hype
Cause he practise on a stage most every night

Chorus

Well, Joe's in the basement
Playin' his Les Pauls
Brad's strumming away and
Tom's having a ball
Joey's bashin' on cymbals
And slammin' the bass
But Steven's my fav
Yeah his voice is the best

Chorus

Hey Steven Tyler
Your voice is legendary
You got the cocaine??
These days it's fictionary
'Scuse my obsession
But I ain't possessionary
Yeah but I want to sing on the stage with you


Comments etc RagDollSM@aol.com


Eat On

A Parody of Dream On.
By Nathan

Every time I look in the mirror
All these rolls in my chest'r getting clearer
My ass is gone....
It went "bye" like skin and bones
It seems fat's the way
Everybody's got their food in life to eat

I don't know, nobody knows, why I shove it down my throat
I noticed everybody's thin
Don't know how to loose
All that wieght

Half my life's gone, looks and my face
Livin, learning from food and from gages
You know it's true
All the things you eat go right through you!

CHORUS:
Eat with me, eat for the fears
Eat for the laughter
Drink all the beers
Eat with me not only for today
Have a heart attack and the good lord will take you away

(repeat chorus)

Eat on, eat on, eat on
Eat until your body turns blue
Eat on, eat on, eat on
Eat cause there's nothin more to do
Eat on, eat on, eat on, eat on
EAT ON, EAT ON, EAT ON
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT

(repeat chorus twice)
(fade out)



Blood

A Parody of Pink.
By Lara and Heather Rigby

"Here is Heath and I's parody to Pink, which we call Blood as we had to base it on Macbeth LoL"
Blood
(Steven Tyler, Richie Supa, Glen Ballard, Lara, Heather Rigby *I hate my surname, I think I should change it like Steven did!*)

Blood - it's my new obsession
Blood - it's not even a question,
Blood - on the lips of Banquo (Macbeth's best friend who he murders)
(oh- it is now 'ew' lol)
'Cause Blood is what I have discovered

Blood - when the servants are merry (he got the guards drunk to kill Banquo)
Blood - 'cause I am so very
Blood - it's the color of passion
Ah, 'cause today murder is fashion

Blood - when you're sleeping at night
Yeah, Blood- when I turn out the light
And Blood is my favorite sight
And I think everything is going to be all right
No matter what we do tonight

You could be my dead body
'Cause blood- makes me scream 'Oh Lordy!'
Pink - when the lights are all dim
I'm king but you don't ever tell him

Blood - when you're sleeping at night
Yeah, Blood- when I turn out the light
And Blood is my favorite sight
And I think everything is going to be all right
No matter what we do tonight

Yeah!

I want to be your killer
I, I wanna show you the dagger
And it's blood on the sheets that you lay on
'Cause blood is my favorite hobby

Yeah!

Blood - when you're sleeping at night
Yeah, Blood- when I turn out the light
Blood it's like red but not quite
And I think everything is going to be all right
No matter what we do tonight


"So what do you think? I dunno if you know the story of Macbeth but I think it's fairly obvious- he just kills people I guess...."


Joe

A parody of Pink. by AeroChicky
Joe he's my only obsession
Joe he is no question
Joe he's my only lovah
Yeah, he's the one I discovered
Joe, he's the bing on my cherry
OH yeah, he is so very
Joe, he's the only passion
And he's got great fashion!

(Chorus)
Joe it was love at 1st sight
Oh joe when i turn out the lights
And he gets me as high as those kites
But, i think everything is going to be
alright, Oh what to do tonite??
(Chorus End)

Oh he's my flamingo
Cause he speaks that right kinda lingo.
Joe likes to deck me until'a,
its KinK but, he dont even mind'a!

(chorus repeat)

He's my only lover
I rap him in rubbah
OH Joe, those sheets we lay on...
are as PINK as my favorite crayon.

Joe it was love at 1st sight
Oh Joe is the flesh of the night
But, i think everything is going to be
alright, Oh what to do tonite??


© Copyright 1997 - AeroChicky


I Canít Hear This Song Anymore (ĎCause It Sucks)

A Parody of I Don't Want to Miss a Thing.
By Marianne

I could barely stay awake
When I hear this song
used like a pure marketing product
for one of those crappy movies
With Bruce Willis on it
Where America save the world

Donít want to hear this song
I donít want to hear this song
Cause Iíd miss the old times
And it will depress me too much
Remembering when the songs were good
And the musicians werenít paid $2M
I still donít wanna hear this song
Itíd make me wanna puke

Lying here, I hear this song at the radio
And Iím wondering if it was Sweet emotion instead
Wondering my brother to close the radio
Or else Iíll kick his ass
Thanks god the end is near
I just want the writer to go in hell
Forever and ever

Donít want to hear this song
I donít want to hear this song
Cause Iíd puke on my walkman
And itíll get broken
Remember the old times
The sweetest dream that Iíll never do
Is that this song
Is only a bad dream

I donít wanna hear this song
I DONíT DONíT DONíT
I just want the radio to close itself
Right there, and Iíll scream to the miracle
I just want it to close
I feel so close to hit it by the window.
And why my brother listen it?
All the time?

Donít want to hear this song
I donít want to hear this song
Cause Iíd miss the old times
And it will depress me too much
Remembering the time when the songs were good
And the musicians werenít paid $2M
I still donít wanna hear this song
Itíd make me wanna puke

Donít want to hear this song
I donít wanna hear this song
DONíT WANNA HEAR THIS *BORING* SONG



The new stuff

Based on I Wanna Know Why.
By Kevin Rock

It is all fucked up
All the newest grub
Where has Metal gone?

They had a hit
Angel was shit
That was not the one

Nine Lives rocks
Full circle sucks
This is no more fun

Chorus: I wanna know where
Aerosmith their Rock and Metal
Gone and give it back to me
I wanna know where
Aerosmith their Rock and Metal
Gone and give it back
Gone and give it back
Gone and give it back to me

It wasnít right
I play suicide
Does Aerosmith lose a wing?

Let me think,
After fuckiní Pink
Came I Donít Wanna Miss A Thing

Chorus: -

So listen boys
Do another ĎToysí
Than I will forgive all I said

ĎVacationí sucks
Give another ĎRocksí
Or else you will drive me mad

Well, good is FINE
Still play ĎDraw The Lineí
ĎCause Angel sucks, Ďtwas bad

Chorus: -

Lordy
Are you fooliní me
This stuff is crueliní me
Are you ghouliní me
Are you fooliní me



Fritos

A Parody of Dream On.
By Monica and Diana

Every time that I look in the cabinet
Know what I want, just can't seem to find it
What shall I do
I don't want any of these foods

Don't you think it's so
All the good chips they have to end with -os

Now don't, don't even dare
Ask me please cause I won't share
I know its everybody's sin
Just give up your thoughts of stayin thin

Half my life's been stuck drinkin slim fast
Always try but those diets they don't last
Oh Jenny Craig
Just don't take
My Fritos away

Come with me
Come to the store
Come buy some Fritos
Come buy some more
Come with me it's only fair
Maybe tomorrow I'll be nice enough to Share

Fritos, Fritos, Fritos
Just bring out the ranch dip ooh
Fritos, Fritos, Fritos...
Maybe even bean dip too

Fritos x8

Come with me
Come to the store
Come buy some Fritos
Come buy some more
Come with me it's only fair
Maybe tomorrow I'll be nice enough to Share



I Don't Want To Hear This Song

A Parody of I Don't Want to Miss a Thing.
By NobodysFlt@aol.com

Well, I have decided to take my dislike for I Don't Want to Miss a Thing and turn it into a humorous parody...I hope at least a couple of you will think it's humorous too...If you don't...well people always tell me to lighten up so maybe y'all should do the same...I have confidence that anyone with a sense of humor will find this parody funny though...so without further ado...Here is....
I Don't Want to Hear This Song
(Smith)

I could fall asleep
When I hear this song
Watch you smile while pissing off Joe
While he's dreaming of rockin' out

I could spend my life listening to Sweet Emotion
I could listen to Nobody's Fault forever
but every moment I listen to IDWTMAT
is a moment I cringe

Don't want to hear this song
I don't want to fall asleep
'Cause I miss the rockin'
and I don't want to hear this song

'Cause even when I dream of you rockin'
The heaviest rocker would never do
I'd still miss Joe's guitars
and I don't want to miss a rocker

I listen close to Joey
feeling his drums beating
and I wonder what Brad's playing
Wonder if it's rock he's playing

Then I listen close
And thank God Joe's still rockin'!
I just want to rock with you
and rock this world forever and ever and ever

I don't want to hear this song
I don't want to fall asleep
'cause I'd miss you rockin'
and I don't want to miss a rocker

'cause even when I dream of rockin'
the heaviest rocker would never do
I'd still miss Brad's playing
and I don't want to hear this song

I don't want to miss Tom's bass
I don't want to miss Joey's drums
I just want you to rock our world
just like this

I just want to hear Joe's screaming guitar
hear Joey's drums shaking me off the floor
and rock this hard
for all the rest of time

Yeah, yeah, yeaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!

Don't want to hear this song
I don't want to fall asleep
'cause Joe would be pissed
And you don't want to piss off Joe Cause even when I dream of rockin'
The heaviest rocker would never do
I'd still miss Steven's screamin'
and I don't want to hear this song!!!

Enjoy!

Darryl



Fuckin (My Old Lady)

A Parody of Dude (Looks like a lady). By Dodo
Fuckin my old lady
Fuckin my old lady
Fuckin my old lady
Fuckin my old lady

Noticed she was lookin to score
I picked the keys and locked the door
She started sex just lookin to bite
Whe have a lotta time cos it's just midnight
What a night

First stage I opened the "zips"
After that I just squeezed her tits
Forgive me if I used too much power
I'm exited my friend
So get outta my way

Fuckin my old Lady
Fuckin my old Lady
Fuckin my old Lady
Fuckin my old Lady

Don't consider if i only bother
Cos she know my prick is ready to love her
Say, love put up and i'm ready to Fuck
She had the breath of a virgin
God imagine what a luck

Fuckin my old lady
Fuckin my old Lady
Fuckin my old Lady
Fuckin my old Lady

Baby let me kiss y-o mouth
Let me take a pee before
Baby let me kiss y-o mouth
Do me, do me, do me tonite
Baby let me kiss y-o mouth
Let me take another pee dear
Baby let me kiss y-o mouth
Fuckin' Fuckin' Fuckin'
Fuckeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen

Ooh what a fuckin lady
Ooh She like it like it like it like that
Ooh It was amazing, yow yakakakaw

Fuckin my old Lady
Fuckin my old Lady
Fuckin my old Lady
Fuckin my old Lady

Fuckin my old Lady
Fuckin my old Lady
Fuckin my old Lady
Fuckin my old Lady

Fuck Fuck Fuck fuckin my old Lady
Fuck Fuck Fuck fuckin my old Lady
Fuck Fuck Fuck fuckin my old Lady
Fuck Fuck Fuck fuckin my old Lady
yow yakakakaw yow...



Click On

A Parody of Dream On. By Dodo
Comment:
(im brazilian and i dont know english very well, please don't think i'm dumb)

every time that I seat at my "putar"
cant resist so I click on that icon
that sais "connect"
i spend nights since dusk till dawn
am I wrong this way?
everybody's got com - puter today

yeah, I know , I spend a lot
of that green and fuckin money
I know that everybody spend
you got to try it too, you'll like

half my life's in this shit at homepages
and i cant leave it cos it's amazing
you know it is
all that clicks, i'm gettin noooooots(nuts)

click with me, at rock this way
see aeronews at this homepage
click with me, tomorrow and today
you know that the things change and
somebody could be taken away (i hope it doesn't happen so soon)

yeah, click with me, at rock this way
see aeronews at this homepage
click with me, tommorow and today
you know that the things change and
somebody could be taken away (you already know)

click on, click on, click on,
click yourself a tilt come true
click on, click on, click on,
and click until your finger gets corns
click on, click on, click on, click on
click on, click on, click on, aaaaahhhhhh..

yeah, click with me, at rock this way
see aeronews at this homepage
click with me, tommorow and today
you know that the things change and
somebody could be taken away (now i'll shut my mouth)

fade........................................



Brad

A Parody of Pink. By Kikki9482@aol.com
HI!! I really love Aerosmith and I think Steve Tyler is the greatest...
I would like to submit a parody of "Pink".. this song is about my boyfriend

Brad is my new obsession
Brad his sex is a question
Brad his legs are real hairy
Brad he is really scary
Brad his hair is real greasy
But he still really makes me act sleazy

Chorus:
Brad it was love at first sight
He's almost a guy but not quite
Brad please don't turn out the light
And I think everything is going to be alright
because of what we did last night

Verse 2:
Brad his dad's name is Gary
Brad is who I'm going to marry
Brad his children I carry
Brad his mom's name is Harry
Brad gives Nimi night-marries

Repeat Chorus

Brad he's real interesting
Brad I just want to undress him
Brad people think he's disgusting
But I , I just can't keep from blushing



The Barn

A Parody of The Farm. By: Cheshire Cat
Grab some plutonium, hop in the DeLorean,
and set the time circuits for the summer of 1970...

(clip of Steven speaking - from MTV's first Rockumentary)

"These guys couldn't play. They couldn't tune.
They were terrible!

But they did one song, called Rattlesnake Shake, and they just blew me away, 'cause they had such a groove...

...it *stunk* from the groove!"

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!

Well, so many spots I've been to
But I've heard of one thru yarns
It's a place I'd sho' be into...

Get me to The Barn!

Get me to The Barn! (4x)

Yeah, it must have been real sca-ry
Feeling sparks fly in that room!
Steven awed by Tom and Perry...
And they couldn't even tune!

Take me to The Barn!

Take me to The Barn! (3x)

I'm too young, sad I missed
Groovin' on the badness!
What a scene, and who knew...
What it'd all amount to?

Hendrix, Cream, and Jeff Beck...
Soundin' like a train wreck!
MC5! Zeppelin! Fleetwood Mac! Rattlesnake...
Forging their eventual fate!

JOE!! (solo)

(O-oo-o-oo-oh, woe is me!)
Wish I'd been back in New Hampshire!
(I'm a city boy!)
Spent summertimes in Sunapee!

But....
but...
but I'm just a little Cheshire...
Was born in seven-three!

(weird noises)

Take me to The Barn! (2x)
Oh Lordy, take me to The Barn! (2x)

Take me to The Barn (2x)
Oh Lordy, take me to The Barn! (2x)

Take-me-to-The-Barn! (3x)
Take-me-to-The-Barn! (3x)
Take-me-to-The-Barn! (3x)

Take me to The Barn!
Take me to The Barn!
Oh Lordy, take me to The BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARN!!!!!!!!!

(section of "Over the Rainbow", followed by the first
few bars of "Rattlesnake Shake"...

"We-e-e-e-e-ell, if you wanna rock!
I gots ta be yo' rockin' horse!"...

fade out as song continues)

*** Cheshire Cat ***
8/13/98


Sign Up

A Parody of Line Up. By: Cheshire Cat
Here's another one I've had the idea for and had partially
finished for quite a while. Got the inspiration while watching
the movie "Stripes" (Bill Murray/Harold Ramis/John Candy).

(open with the first burst of "Reveille" over yowls)

(sound of marching boots over "bah-doo-dah"s)

If ya can't hold a job
Don't just sit like a slob...come sign up!
(Sign up!)

Can't afford a degree?
Well, be all you can be...just sign up!
(Sign up!)

They got the program, the plan - They'll make you a real man
And get your sorry life together - Yeah...!
You worthless screw-up!

Come on and sign up!
(Sign up!)

Just take it in stride
When the sergeant kicks dirt in your eyes...
As you do push-ups!!!

(marching boots)

You'll get slapped with K.P.
Until infinity...yeah sign up!
(Sign up!)

You can mess up your greens
When you scrub the latrines...well sign up!
(Sign up!)

Then...

It's
Wham!
Bam!
Now you're damned!
Sold your soul to Uncle Sam...
And found out that your ego's hurtin'...
Ya think you're so tough! Hahah!!

You hadda sign up!
(Sign up!)

No questions! Eyes forward! Step to it!
Hey, soldier, don't frown!!!
...and keep your nose brown!

COME ON, BOY!!!

(Marching boots.
First half of slide solo - "I don't know what I been told..." chant.
Second half - segues into "Left! Left! Left, Right, Left!")

If you're trained musically
You can blow "Reveille"...just sign up!
(Sign up!)

Your whole life's in a rut?
Well, just get your hair cut...and sign up!
(Sign up!)

Come on - Free lodging! Free food!
And don't think they'd exclude
Those cheery folk and spiffy wardrobe...
How can ya pass up...

The chance to sign up?!
(Sign up!)
They've even got women now!
How could they just give you so much???
Well...ya look, but don't touch!

Yeah! Yeah!
If ya can't hold a job
Don't just sit like a slob...come sign up!
(Sign up!)

Sign up!
(Sign up)

Can't afford a degree?
Well, be all you can be! Just sign up!
(Sign up!)

Sign up!
(Sign up!)

(marching boots start again w/ yowls)

Ya gotta get yo' act together!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Go out and get yo' ass enlisted!
Yeah! Yeah!

Ya gotta si-hee...
Ya gotta si-hee...
Ya gotta si-hee...
Ya gotta si-hee...Sign

Up!!

*** Cheshire Cat ***
8/12/98

Disclaimer - no offense meant to the military or anyone
who might have served. Just a little light ribbing going
on here - as usual! =)


Beefcake!!!

A Parody of Cheese Cake. By: Cheshire Cat
Hope everyone watches South Park, otherwise you probably won't get this one. I will explain if you don't. Just mail me. Heck...mail me anyway.

Well - come on down to South Park, Gonna have ourselves a time...;)


A little town way out in Colorado...
A little fat kid won a prize
He wrote an essay, talkin' bout the environment...
Be on T.V. - the public eye

Gonna do it - me! Gonna do it!
Beat ya to it - get a grip, Wendy!
Gonna do it - me! Gonna do it!
Beat ya to it - know it's drivin' you crazy!!

A big thing happening to...young Eric Cartman...
Get his award from Kathie Lee!
He still excited - braggin', also self-conscious...
Next thing, he's on a fitness spree!

Gonna do it. You'll see...
Gonna do it. Really do it
Be on T.V.!!!
Gonna do it. You'll see...
Gonna do it. Really do it...do it...
Make her crazy!!!!

Beefcake!!! - Gonna be on T.V.
Beefcake!!! - No more Cheesy Poofs!
Won't recognize me, I'll be...
(Beefcake!!!)
That commercial is the proof!!!
(Beefcake!!!)

Beefcake!!! - Bulkin' up with Weight Gain!
Beefcake!!! - Go ahead and laugh!
I'll be lookin' all buff...
(Beefcake!!!)
Y'all can kiss my ass!!
(Beefcake!!!)

Gonna do it. You'll see...
Gonna do it. Really do it...
Wear a muscle tee!
Gonna do it...Yeah, check out this solid form!
Do it! Do it! Do it...
Check it out, baby!!

(slide solo) -> (slide intro)

Beefcake!!! - Gonna be on T.V.!
Beefcake!!! - No more Cheesy Poofs!
Won't recognize me, I'll be...
(Beefcake!!!)
That commercial is the proof!
(Beefcake!!!)

Beefcake!
Beef-cake!
Beef-CAKE!
*BEEF-CAKE!!!*

Beefcake!!! - Bulkin' up with Weight Gain!
Beefcake!!! - Go ahead and laugh!
I'll be lookin' all buff...
(Beefcake!!!)
Y'all can kiss my ass!!!

(slide out)

*** Cheshire Cat ***
5/10/98

- I wanted to bring in the subplot with Mr. Hat urging Mr.
Garrison to try and kill Kathie Lee over the old spelling bee
defeat, but alas, there aren't enough lyrics to work with in the
song, so I had to limit myself to the main theme. =(

It's still pretty cute, though, no? ;)

Cheshire - out with a smile!



Callin' It Up (Is Hard On The Fees)

A Parody of Falling in love. By Cheshire cat, 1998
(You're so broke! You're so broke! You're so...) 2x
You sign up with Prodigy or AOL
Ya think that you'll be good, but then you're caught in the spell
Just can't seem to learn that money don't grow on trees...
Callin' it up is so hard on the fees!!
(You're so broke! You're so broke! You're so...) 2x

There's no replyin' to just one mail in a sitting...
Then, God forbid, you start to surf the Net!
Ya may be stylin', Man, but soon you'll be admitting...
You'd all but sell your soul to lose your debt...

YEAH!!

Ya suddenly can't afford takeout Chinese...
Then checks start to bounce, and your charge accounts freeze...
You think you're in shape, but your bankbook decrees...
That callin' it up is so hard on the fees!

(YSB YSB YS...)

Don't read them newsgroups if ya just ain't got the time, man...
You'll start to postin' like you're jacked on coke!
Next thing you're on the pavement askin', "Spare a dime, man?"...
I need some log on time - not smack or smoke!!

WELL...!

You can't turn it off. Man, it's worse than TV!
You say "Just one hour!", but you're a slave to the keys...
...and suddenly Cheshire's got new parodies!! (...=)...)
Yeah, callin' it up is so hard on the fees!

Can't even call your mom!
Cause she's not with "dot-com"!
Then you're not welcome in the house!

Instead of ATT...
You're into FTP...
Can't read your mail without a mouse...

Go quit! Go quit! GO QUIT!!!

(solo)

(YSB! YSB! YS...) 2x

Don't get yerself caught up in nowhere, nonsense chattin'...
You know you can't foot the bill - get off the phone!!
You'll move to Brooklyn 'cause ya can't afford Manhattan...
And you'll get to pawning everything that you own!!

Ya suddenly can't afford takeout Chinese...
Then checks start to bounce, and your charge accounts freeze...
You think you're in shape, but your bankbook decrees...
That callin' it up is so hard on the fees...

Ya can't turn it off. Man, it's worse than TV!
You say "Just one hour!". Yeah, but you're a slave to the keys!
...and suddenly Cheshire's got new parodies!!
Oh, callin' it up is so hard on the fees!!!


NyQuil

A Parody of My Girl.
NyQuil! My magic potion!
NyQuil! Who thought of the notion??

NyQuil, baby! Wasn't sleepin' all night!
Achy, stuffy, sneezy, coughy, now I'm alright.
That little tiny cup, drank it. Then the lights went out!

NyQuil! I can't believe it!
NyQuil! I love who conceived it!

It's even stronger than a fifth o' gin, mezcal, or rum!
Rock-a-bye baby - sleepy time has come!
And the cradle may fall, but your brain's too numb to know!

(Dristan, Comtrex just won't go!)
(Alka-Seltzer - thank you, no!)

NyQuil! O green elixir!
NyQuil! Don't need no mixer!

It knock ya on y'ass much faster than you think!
Won't even have to vomit in the ole bathroom sink!
Just stock up the john, fill the cup up - drink, and drink and drink, and
drink, and drink, and drink, and driii

NyQuil! (echo harmonies)

NyQuil! I can't believe it!
NyQuil! I love who conceived it!

It's even stronger than a fifth o' gin, mezcal, or rum!
Rock-a-bye baby - sleepy time has come!
And the cradle may fall, but your brain's too numb to know!

(Dristan, Comtrex just won't go!)
(Alka-Seltzer - thank you, no!)

N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-
N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-...

NyQuil!!!!!



Let Your Fingers Do The Walking

A Parody of Let the Music do the talking.
By Mike Taylor, CAF

AT&T, Sprint, and MCI,
Sign me up for all; I'm lettin' the cash fly.
Said phone bill's high, it costs an arm and a leg
Just to talk to my old Mother up in Winnepeg

I got a mortgage on the house, sellin' my old car
Just to talk to my big brother down in Arkansas.
I got one minute to talk,
Two bucks to pay,
Three unpaid bills
And four more on the way!

You gotta

Let your fingers do the walkin'
Let your fingers do the walkin'
Let your fingers do the walkin'
Let your fingers do the walkin'

Aunt Jane? No way! If I make another call,
I'll have the IRS runnin' me up a wall.
Whatever happened to a minute a dime?
Just to pay for calls, I'm workin' overtime

Uncle John died, card goes to Aunt Yvette,
'Cause I can't call her up to express my regret
I got one minute to talk,
Two bucks to pay,
Three unpaid bills
And four more on the way!

You gotta

Let your fingers do the walkin'
Let your fingers do the walkin'
Let your fingers do the walkin'
Let your fingers do the walkin'

(Repeat and fade)



Fly My Kite

A Parody of Bright Light Fright. By Mike Taylor, CAF
It's the dawn of the day and I'm out in my yard,
And I'm draggin' around what feels like a can of lard,
All of my string is tied up in a knot,
The guy who built this should be dragged out and shot.

chorus:
I'm out flyin' my kite
Usin' all of my might
But I just can't seem to
Get any height!

Now the wind's blowin' back
Keepin' me on the run
My friend, he was lyin'
Cause this sure ain't no fun
Now the wind is just right,
It's goin' up real fast;
But now I am losin' it
And it falls in a crash

chorus

Fly My Kite, Fly My Kite, Fly My Kite, c'mon, give me some height
Fly My Kite, Fly My Kite, Fly My Kite, oh, now it's stuck on a light

chorus X 2



Getting Old (Is Hard on the Knees)

A Parody of Falling in love. By Nayron@aol.com
You're so old you're so old
You're so bad you're so bad

So you think you're old
Like it's a real sure thing
But every time you fall
You really can't get up
You used to be strong
But now it's oh help me please
'Cause getting old is so hard on the knees

You're so bad you're so old
You're so old you're so bad

We was playing bridge when you told me that you love me
I thought old cupid he was taking aim
I couldn't hear you when you told me that you loved me
Then I completely forgot your name

There ain't gonna be no more beggin you please
You know what I want
And it is one of these
You're bad to the bone
And your doctor agrees
That getting old is so hard on the knees

You're so old you're so old
You're so old you're so old

Chip off the old block
Man you're so much like your dead sister
My fantasize it must be out of luck
My pacemaker has been blowing a transistor
I feel like I have been hit by a truck

I'm really old
Yeah I got a bad cold
You say that I might
But there ain't no guarantees

I was major in WWI
but in all minor keys
Cause getting old is so hard on the knees.......



Don't Get Brad...Get Steven

A Parody of Don't get Mad get Even.
Well metal rags, their photos got me bouncin' off the walls!
It's as if the other people in the band ain't there at all!
Now Circus gets me crazy, Hit Parader is a joke,
And we always see the same two guys. Come on, I'm goin' broke!
They just don't often seem to care about the other dudes. Hey there...
Don't get Brad...Get Steveeeeeeen!

Hey there...

Don't get Brad...Get Steven (3x)

Seems the singer and the lead guitar, they have priority...
But we sometimes get real tired of seein' Tyler and Perry...
Baby, Tom has Sweet Emotion, Joey's got Pandora's Box
Then there's Jimmy Crespo's Joanie, all of Supa's stuff it rocks!
Well I wanna know 'bout Whitford, cuz he's such the quiet one...but they
Don't get Brad...Get Steveeeeeeeen

Don't get Brad...Get Steven (3x)

He gave us Voodoo Med Man, always has a real cool sound!
Now let's not forget Last Child, Noone's Fault, and Round An' Round!
Their music just ain't Blind Man, Angel, Crazy, What It Takes!
When they interview and photo shoot, well I say raise the stakes! Yeah!

Permanent Vacation is another of his works.
And he helped out with The Movie, always makes me go berserk...
When all I see are scarves, lips, and that mop of curly hair
Hey, I know 'bout Steve and Joe, man, but three other guys are there!
I wanna see 'em all! Put their pictures on the page! But no...
Don't get Brad...Get Steveeeeeen

Don't get Brad...Get Steven (3x)

Aaaah. Aaaah. Aaaah. Aaaah!
Aaaah. Aaaah. Aaaah. Aaaah!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Aaaah. Aaaah. Aaaah. Aaaah! Aaaah. Aaaah. Aaaah. Aaaah!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaah!



Livin In The Fridge

A Parody of Livin' on the Edge. Lyrics by Al Yankovic
There's somethin' weird in the fridge today
I don't know what it is
Food I can't recognize
My roomate won't throw a thing away
I guess it's probably his
It looks like it's alive....

And livin' in the fridge (Above)
(You can't stop the mold from growin')
Livin' in the fridge
(Can't tell what it is at all)
Livin' in the fridge....

There's something gross in the fridge today
It's green and growin' hair
It's been there since July
If you can name the object
In that baggie over there
Then mister, you're a better man than I

It's livin' in the fridge....(Repeat above)

Tell me, do you think it should be carbon-dated
Fumigated
Or Creamated and buried at sea?
You try to save a little bit of your home-cookin'
Couple weeks later, got a scary lookin'
Specimen
It always happens, my friend
Again and again and again and again

Somethin' stinks in the fridge today
And it's been rottin' there all week
It could be liver cake or wooly mammoth steak
Well, maybe I should take another peak

(hear a door squeak and blood-curling scream)

Livin in the fridge....(Repeat chorus again)

Don't know what it is(X2)
Livin' in the fridge
Don't know what it is(X2)
Livin' in the fridge
Don't know what it is at all
Livin' in the fridge, yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah



Fila

A Parody of Shela. by Mike Taylor, CAF
chorus: Fila, Fila, Oh, man, they feel so sweet.
Fila, Fila, They form around your feet.
Fila, Fila, Oh, boy, they feel so sweet.

Got myself some ball-shoes
Went down to the store
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah
Wanted to spend forty bucks
But payed fifty more
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah

(chorus)

Some shoes got Air Jordan
Others got Shaquille
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah
With Fila, nothin' doin':
Stackhouse and Grant Hill
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah

Fila, how nice
Fila, high price
Filaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

So I played for hours
And as the story goes
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah
I looked at the bottoms;
And I didn't see no soles
No, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no nonono!



Farmer's Daughter

A Parody of Walk on Water. by Mike Taylor, CAF
Trav'ling
Salesman
His car
Breaks down
Comes to
Farm house
He spends
The night
Look but
Don't touch

He never saw a girl who looked so fine
But if he laid a hand on her, why he'd be dyin'

Hey travelin' salesman
Can't hold back inhibitions
That farmer's daughter
She lookin' so delicious
Farmer grabs his shotgun
Nobody here but us chickens
Yeah, and he did the
The Farmer's Daughter all night

Overalls
Tight shirt
Blond hair
Blue eyes
She look
So fine
He spends
The night
Look but
Don't touch

When the farmer came downstairs, now he was mean
'Cause he knew his girl and the man, they did the deed

Hey travelin' salesman
Can't hold back inhibitions
That farmer's daughter
She lookin' so delicious
Farmer grabs his shotgun
Nobody here but us chickens
Yeah, and he did the
The farmer's Daughter all night

And the salesman, he runs
And the salesman, he hides
He climbs up a tree
And there he resides
Now along came the farmer
He knows where he's at
He searches the limbs
But only hears a cat

Hey travelin' salesman
Can't hold back inhibitions
That farmer's daughter
She lookin' so delicious
Farmer grabs his shotgun
Nobody here but us chickens
Yeah, and he did the
The Farmer's Daughter all

Hey travelin' salesman
Can't hold back inhibitions
He and the daughter
Rollin' around in the kitchen
Farmer grabs his shotgun
Nobody here but us chickens
Yeah, and he did the
The Farmer's Daughter all night



Fallen Arches

A Parody of Fallen Angels. by Mike Taylor, CAF
Got a lot of questions,
No one answers, though,
In spite of me askin'
People to and fro
Like why did Kamakazies
Have helmets on their heads,
Or if your foot is asleep,
Will it be restless in bed?

Sometimes a truck carries shipments,
And then a ship has cargo,
But there's that one big question
That I'll never know....

(Tell me)
Where do fallen arches go
I just don't know
Where do fallen arches go
They keep fallin'

Why are they called buildings
When they're done building 'em
Can you be caught red-handed
And have a green thumb?

How can you buy a TV set
When you just end up with one?
Do fish get cramps when they swim
After eating some?

(So listen)
Where do fallen arches go
I just don't know
Where do fallen arches go
They keep fallin', fallin'....

Can you tell me
Can you tell me
Somewhere out there there's a answer man
Find him as fast as you can!

And though I'm askin' people
I will never know
It drives me crazy, when you stand,
Where the hell does your lap go?

Where do fallen arches go
I just don't know
Where do fallen arches go
They keep fallin', fallin'....

Where do fallen arches go, tell me
Nobody knows
Where do fallen arches go
They keep fallin', fallin', fallin, fallin'....



Lovin' a Deli Waiter

A Parody of Love in an Elevator.
Every time she need some affection (Oi!)
Seems it's never on his mind (Oi, vei!)
She's gotta find a new direction (Oi!)
Excitement of some other kind (Oi, vei!)

But when she seat him down
And lays the napkin 'cross his lap
The way to reach his heart's through his stomach, honey
A simply routed map...

Lovin' a deli waiter
Bagel and lox, or some latkes please...
Lovin' a deli waiter
Kugel, knish, just no ham and cheese!

All he needs is some egg-salad (Oi!)
Chicken soup with matzoh balls (Oi, vei!)
His face go from lookin' pallid (Oi!)
To lustin' like Niagara Falls (Oi, vei!)

She don't need to make no pass!
She doesn't need to dress up fine!
Ya know that all she really needs to do is fill his glass
With Manischewitz wine!

Lovin' a deli waiter
Bagel and lox, or some latkes, please...
Lovin' a deli waiter
Kugel, knish, just no ham and cheese!

Oi gavol! Oi gavol!
Give him rye bread, hon, or a nice hard roll!

Lovin' a deli waiter
Give him that food, and you'll steal his soul...!

(break 1, solos)

Lovin' a....

(break 2)

Deli wai-teeeeeeeeer!

(solos)

Chowing doooown!

(solos)

Lovin' a deli waiter
Bagel and lox, or some latkes, please...
Lovin' a deli waiter
Kugel, knish, just no ham and cheese!

She may not be no Elle MacPherson (Oi!)
Never be a cover girl (Oi, vei!)
Never get no 'Hello, Nurse!!'in' (Oi!)
Won't be on Another World (Oi, vei!)
She don't care what she ain't got (Oi!)
When his stomach will growl again (Oi, vei!)
She'll open up the fridge or get the stove real hot...
And hubby says A-men!!!

Lovin' a deli waiter
Bagel and lox, or some latkes, please...
Lovin' a deli waiter
Kugel, knish, just no ham and cheese!

Oi gavol! Oi gavol! Give hime rye bread, hon, or a nice hard roll!

Lovin' a deli waiter
Give him that food, and you'll steal his soul...!

Oi gavol! Oi gavol! Give hime rye bread, hon, or a nice hard roll!

Lovin' a deli waiter
Give him that food, and you'll steal his soul...!

(repeat sequence)

Lovin' a deli waiteeeeeeeeeer...
Give him that food, and you'll steal his sooooooul!!!



What Crust?

A Parody of Young Lust. By Mike Taylor, CAF
What crust?
Gotta know right now,
What crust?
That's the one thing we never discussed
The waiter's a-tappin' his toe

What crust?
Want pan, thin, stuffed, or hand-tossed?
But you're lookin' like you're all just lost
And right now you gotta know

Oooooooohhhhh

What crust?
You're starin' all over the huge menu
And you don't have an idea what to do
Precious seconds tickin' by

What crust?
You tell the waiter to give you a sec
You got a noose right around your neck
And you're a-wishin' you would die

Lookin' at each other
The waiter's givin' pressure
And now it's all up to you

What crust?
You're wishin' you'd have gone to Mickey Dee's
But you know it's all just a tease
And you know it sure as hell ain't fair

What crust?
Feelin' guilty like you commited some crime
You'd do anything just to buy some time
But the waiter's still givin' a stare

You're lookin really desperate
Seein' what other folks got
You feel like you're in trouble
Your son took off to the bathroom, and ya wanna follow after him!

Oh, now the waiter's givin' you some lip
He's startin' to raise his voice
Oh, well, there goes his old tip
But you still haven't given your choice

Other people starin' at you
You give 'em all a smile
Oh, what the hell ya gonna do
You feel like you're on trial, and the waiter's really gettin' riled!

There's no way you can escape
Wish you were a mile away
But you know you're here to stay

So without further ado,
You order like you're supposed to,
But they don't have that, so you're back to

What crust?
There's no time, ya gotta tell
What crust?
You feel like you're in Hell
What crust?
You're sweatin' so ya gotta wipe

What crust?
Come on, now, ya just gotta try,
But, nobody's gonna be satisfied,
'Cause they all want a different type

What crust?
You know you'll never eat there again
'Cause you always feel like you just sinned
You shoulda learned from last night



Traded

A parody of Jaded
By BK&S (Bone Knuckle and Skin)

Hey....T...T.. Traded
You got that 70's style but your yesterdays child to me
Been traded
You think ROCKS's where its at, but POP is where we are gonna be
You'll have to get over me
U got traded
Bye bye Army blue
Yeah i aint thinkin bout cha
Bye bye Army blue
Yeah you been traded
And we're the ones that traded you

Hey....T..T..Traded
In all your misery..You will always be what I love...and hated
And still you spend your cash, on what you consider trash,that's how it's gonna be
We'll slip in 2 rockers,maybe 3 ....you'll be traded

Bye bye Army blue
Yeah we ain't thinkin bout cha
Bye bye Army blue
You been traded
And teeny boppers took the place of you

Your thoughts are communicated
You've all had it up to here
But it's been overstated...Love or hate it...you have been traded
Leave me ...traded

Hey ...T ..T.. Traded
There ain't no rockin' leads when Kolodner's at the boards with us
And everything sounds so wuss
Thats excatly what SONY wants

Bye bye Army blue
I'm walkin' out on ya
Bye bye Army Blue
We wont be thinking bout cha
Bye bye Army blue

Yeah you been traded
Baby.......traded........Baby
You been traded
And NSYNC fans is what we traded for you



Billy Wore a Dress

A parody of Janie's Got A Gun
By Pretzelgirl

"Billy Wore a Dress" by Pretzelgirl
To the tune of "Janie's Got a Gun" by Aerosmith


Dum, dum, dum, honey better confess
Dum, dum, dum, tell me it's not a dress
Dum, dum, dum, honey better confess
Dum, dum, dum, say it's not, say it's not...
Nah, nah, nahhh... nah, nah, nahhh....
Nah, nah, nahhh... nah, nah, nahhh....

Billy wore a dress... Billy wore a dress...
His whole world's now a mess
Why he did is anybody's guess.
What did his classmates do?
When Billy pulled this switcheroo?

They say when Billy came to school, all the kids could do was laugh.
When they taunted him at recess, Cuz he showed up in a silk dress
No one spoke on his behalf!

Billy wore a dress... Billy wore a dress ...
His days are now full of stress.
Just cuz he showed a little finesse.

Tell me why it's taboo?
To dress just like the girls do?
He picked a pretty pink dress, and he wore a bow in his hair.
I think that he had really wondered why they said that he had blundered
And why the kids all stopped to stare.

Run away, run away from it, Billy!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away. Don't be frilly!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away...

Billy wore a dress... Billy wore a dress ...
His days are now full of stress.
Just cuz he showed a little finesse.

What did those children do?
They beat poor Billy black-and-blue!
They had to make him an example, and hurt him when
they had the chance.
"If we kick him and we trample till he's learned his lesson ample
Tomorrow he'll be wearing pants!"

Run away, run away from it, Billy!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away. Don't be frilly!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away...

Billy wore a dress... Billy wore a dress ...
Billy wore a dress ... He showed a little finesse.
Billy wore a dress ... Now his days are full of stress.
Cuz he showed a little finesse (Honey, honey what's your problem?)
'Cause Billy wore a dress (Not all boys are men!)
Billy wore a dress (It's okay, please stop your sobbin')
His days are now full of stress. (Tomorrow, try again!)
Billy wore a dress ... his days are now full of stress.
Cuz he showed a little finesse ... Billy wore a dress.



What You've Made

A parody of What It Takes
By Tiago Sarmento

She knows all my playing games and she's like a really shitty in..
And she knows my biggest dream is someday I just know how to sing
So baby what's the story? Did you, hear that I always've got a band
Was it easy to see, that the band that I made? Is just about how me and jack
Just knew that we'd go away.....
I used to feel desire but now it's cold inside
And we're back on the beat like we don't wanna miss a thing yeah!

Tell me What you've made to do theirs grows
Tell me if we know if you'll show
Tell me how it is that you can sing, every night
Without think you have lost all of your good vocal chords
Singing dream on or Lord of the thighs!!!!!!!!!!
Tell me if my band can go away

Girl before I met you,my band was, like friends and it was fine
But your mother made me a prisioner and she never know how to kiss good bye
I send you all my money and then you, slept with Mark one night
Was it easy to sleep with Motley Crue in disguise
I know they've got their drumsticks and shove it up your mice....

Tell me......

I wanna a cygar!!

Tell me that being goupie is the best you've done
Tell me that your letter say you'd lust with Tom
Tell me that my singing is the best of much
Tell me that my Jackie didn't missed his touch
Tell me that like Aerosmith someday We'll be!!!!

Tell me what you've made to do their grow
Tell me if he knows if you don't show
Tell me how it is that you can sing, every night
Without think you have lost all of your good vocal chords
Singing Dream On or Lord of the Thighs!!!!!!
Tell me whos the same that played Sunshine!!!
No no no no......
'Cause I don't wanna live like Papa Roach!
I don't, I don't.... I just wanna play Angel's eye......
Just push play, just push play



Alien Encounter

A parody of Livin' On The Edge
By Bryan O'Connor

wrote this about the ride at disney world...

"Livin' On The Edge" Originally by Aerosmith
"Alien Encounter" Parody by Bryan O'Connor


There's something' cool at the World today
And I know what it is
An excellent ride
We'll be lead to a darker room
With a glass tube in it
But first we wait in line

(We'll) Meet an alien
Meet an alien
Meet an alien
Meet an alien

There's something "wrong" at the ride today
The Alien's breaking through
It just ate up a guy
It licks the back of your head
Man it's such a thrill
When "goop" just goes splat near your eye

(We'll)Meet an alien
You can't stop yourself from ridin' (An encounter)
Meet an alien
You can't help but just go on (An encounter)
Meet an alien
You can't stop yourself from ridin'(An encounter)
Meet an alien
(An encounter)
(An encounter)

Tell me what you think about this sit-u-a-tion
Complete darkness and the alien's
Gonna get you

They tell you that there's a height restriction
Since it doesn't matter, would you still go and ride again?
I bet you would my friend
Again & again & again & again & again

Tell me what you think about this sit-u-a-tion
Complete darkness and the alien's
Gonna get you

They tell you that there's a height restriction
Since it doesn't matter, would you still go and ride again?
I bet you would my friend
Again & again & again & again & again

Alien Encounter's really great
But someone says that I'm wrong
Try Space mountain or the Carrousel
But I'd rather be goin' on....

Meet an alien
You can't stop yourself from ridin' (An encounter)
Meet an alien
You can't help but just go on (An encounter)
Meet an alien
You can't stop yourself from ridin'(An encounter)
Meet an alien

Meet an alien
Meet an alien
Meet an alien
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Meet an alien
You can't stop yourself from ridin' (An encounter)
Meet an alien
You can't help but just go on (An encounter)
Meet an alien
You can't stop yourself from ridin'(An encounter)
Meet an alien

Meet an alien
You can't stop yourself(An encounter)
You can't stop yourself(An encounter)
Meet an alien
You can't help but just go on(An encounter)
Meet an alien
You can't stop yourself(An encounter)
You can't stop yourself(An encounter)
Meet an alien
You can't stop yourself(An encounter)
You can't stop yourself(An encounter)
Meet an alien
You can't help
MEET AN ALIEN!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Alien Encounter.......





.::  A  D  V  E  R  T  I  S  E  M  E  N  T  ::.


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